


Losing Them Both

by MusicLover6661



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 14:44:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14917307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicLover6661/pseuds/MusicLover6661
Summary: Time was slipping through our fingers and it was becoming increasingly harder to keep my composure around everyone.  If I hadn’t acted like such an asshole, this never would’ve happened, she’d still be safe.





	Losing Them Both

It was supposed to be an easy mission, get in, and get out.  No other funny business on the side.  Bu that’s not how it went.  And now I was going to be reprimanded, and possibly thrown in jail for being so reckless.  What else could I do though? Let them escape with all of the information we were so desperately seeking?  No.

Steve was pacing the briefing room, his hands clasped tightly behind his back.  He had refused to even look at me the moment we left the building.  Staying as far away as he could for a while, until now that is.  He had sent everyone else out of the room, demanding that him and I be completely alone for the talk he was about to give me.  And here I waited, not a single thing was said from the moment he stepped into the room, til now.

“I don’t care what you’re going to say, I know what I did, and I would do it again if it meant getting information that could save the lives of millions of people” I glared over at Steve who had stopped pacing, his back facing me.

He was still in his tactical suit, the deep navy color was harsh against his skin, I could see the faintest bruise blooming on his cheek.  His body turned slowly, his eyes were dark, brooding almost.  I braced myself for the screaming to begin, it always did.

“You could’ve gotten everyone killed, do you understand that?” Steve’s eyebrow shot up as I rolled my eyes.  Everyone was already out of the building when the shit hit the fan.  
“You guys were perfectly fine, I ensured that the information would be kept in safe hands.  If that’s such a bad thing, then why am I in trouble right now?” I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed as Steve stepped closer.  
“Don’t play dumb with me Y/N, you know damn well why what you did was beyond reckless” Steve was pissed, and I wasn’t sure the last time I had seen him this angry.

It didn’t matter now though.  There wasn’t anything we could do to prevent what I had done, besides leaving me off the next mission.

“It doesn’t matter Steve!  I’m perfectly fucking fine, and if you can’t get over the fact that I got information you’ve needed for the last two years then fine.  I’ll see myself out” I shoved the chair back, the legs screeching across the floor as I walked out of the room.

If he didn’t want to look at the files then fine, I would look at them myself just to see why they were so goddamn special.  Figure out why Rogers was being such an absolute pain in my ass lately.  The hall was dark that lead to my room, the usb felt as if it weighed a hundred pounds in my pocket.  Steve wouldn’t notice it missing for at least an hour, it would give me plenty of time.  Once I was inside my room I shut and locked the door, asking FRIDAY to make sure no one came looking for me.  I needed to be left alone for a while.

I plopped down into my chair and plugged the usb into my laptop, opening the files with a loud yawn. The sights that graced my eyes were horrific, nothing could have prepared me for what I was laying my eyes on.  It was The Winter Soldier.  Someone I hadn’t expected to ever see in my life time, he looked so familiar, but why?  There was something about the cold look in his eyes, but what?

I transferred the files to a secured folder on my laptop before unplugging the usb, didn’t need Steve knowing what I had seen, he’d have my head on a stake.  I scurried out of the room quietly, heading down to the briefing room, no one in sight whatsoever.  Hmm, maybe they had all headed down to their own rooms to relax.  I placed the usb back into the box before heading down to the kitchen, the sound of voices stopped me dead in my tracks.  So this is where everyone were hiding out.

“Tony, she could’ve gotten everyone killed.  That’s not something we need on the team” Steve’s voice was harsh, harsher than normal at least.  
“She’s one of the best hackers in the country Steve, I can’t just kick her out because you two had an argument and now you’re mad at her” Tony shook his head, his arms crossed over his chest.  
“I don’t care what she is Tony, this is a matter of making sure no one gets hurt because of someone else’s negligence” Steve growled, his hands clenched into tight fists on the table.  
“As much as I hate to agree with him, Steve’s right” Nat’s was the next to speak, cutting off another slice of the apple she was eating.  
“So, what?  I just tell her she has to pack her things and leave?” Tony was looking between Nat and Steve, each of them slowly nodding their heads.  
“If we want to make sure no one gets hurt in the future, we need to cut it off now” Steve straightened himself out, his back resting against the chair he sat in.

There were tears pricking at my eyes. Because of one little mistake I was about to be thrown out.  God this couldn’t be happening, I had to be dreaming.  Tony’s eyebrows furrowed as he turned his head, his eyes locking onto my own.  His face dropped as we stared at one another for a few moments, neither of us speaking.  What could I possibly say?  Everyone had made up their minds, and there was no fighting my way out of this one.  I simply shook my head and headed back up to my bedroom, wiping away the tears that fell down onto my cheeks.

My room was almost bare by the time I had finished packing that night, everyone else were sat around the table enjoying dinner together.  I wasn’t allowed that though, I was being sent out because I decided to get reckless.  And now it was taking it’s toll on me.  Where was I even going to go?  I had no friends, no family, no money.  I had nothing except for the things I had on my back.

I slipped the laptop into my backpack before hoisting it up and onto my back.  It was lighter than I expected, which was nice, but a little nerve wracking.  I bid FRIDAY a goodbye before stepping out of the bedroom, shutting the door softly.  The sounds of laughter coming from the dining room damn near broke my heart, and I didn’t have the willpower to walk away, to ignore them.  My brain was screaming at me to leave, to get away while I still had some of my sanity left.  So I did what I shouldn’t of done.  I ran down to the briefing room and took the usb.  I hid it in my pocket before leaving the compound silently.

**Steve’s P.O.V**

Sam was the first person to notice Y/N’s absence.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was my fault that she was gone.  I was the one who had her thrown out because I was too damn scared.  And now it was being thrown back in my face. The coffee didn’t taste as good in the morning, the smell of roses was all but gone.  It felt wrong around the compound now, and it was all my fault.

“The usb is gone Steve, I know exactly where I put it after we all got back from the mission” Tony was looking all over the room, tearing open every drawer and box, but the usb was gone.  
“She took it, she had to of” I stood up from the chair, the action startling Tony who had whipped around suddenly.  
“Why would she take it Rogers?  That doesn’t make any sense, unless she knew exactly what was on there already” Tony was walking dangerously close to me.  And it took all of my willpower not to run out of the room and find her.  
“There’s something on there that we need to see, she risked our lives to get it” I stepped closer to the door, only for Tony to slam it shut.  
“No, you won’t be going to find her. The last time she saw you we were discussing her leaving the compound, I think it’s safe to say she hates you right now” Tony was right, I just hadn’t realized she had been close enough to hear everything.

Tony had made a small team consisting of Sam, Nat, Wanda, and Tony himself.  They were set out to find Y/N and get the usb back before it could fall into the wrong hands.  They were gone by the morning, no other words being spoken between one another.  It was tearing me apart, not knowing whether or not they would be able to find her.

**Y/N’s P.O.V**

It wasn’t easy living out on the street, there were days I would have to go without eating.  Those weren’t the funnest, to be fair they were probably some of the worst. And with the weather finally getting warmer, I was able to strip off my jacket without a care.  No one ever looked at me twice, which was a lot nicer.  I missed being at the compound though, seeing the faces of the people I had once called my friends smiling back at me.  Not Steve though, no.  He wasn’t my friend, he was simply my boss and nothing more.

“I need a perimeter check, make sure she doesn’t get away” Even though the voice was trying to be quiet, it rang loudly through my head.  
“She can’t have gotten far, it’s not easy to travel in one of the busiest states” The other voice was closer, seemingly steps behind me.

I hoisted the bag up higher, keeping my shoulders straight as I walked into the nearest store.  It wasn’t anything fancy, so I’d be able to blend in easily.  Whoever had been following me seemed to have fallen off the trail, heading down the street a little farther.  Tony was standing on the opposite street, his eyes locked on the shop I had just entered.  Shit.

“Excuse me, is there a back entrance I can take?  I’m trying to lose somebody” I tried not to seem nervous, to give away who I was exactly.  
“Yes, the alley is pretty slim so be careful, it’s the second door after the bathroom” The woman smiled kindly, going back to cleaning off the shelves.

I nodded towards her and headed to the back of the store, if I wasn’t paying close attention I would’ve mistook it for another bathroom, until I pushed it open and saw the brick on the opposite building.  She was right too, the alley was way too slim, I could barely fit myself through it.  The streets were even fuller than before, people talking with one another, couples giggling at an inside joke.  It tore at my heart strings a little more as I slipping into the crowd.

Whoever had been following me was long gone now, I half expected to see Nat, or even Wanda.  But neither of them popped up on the radar.  Steve wasn’t around either, probably better for everyone involved if he didn’t know.  If he knew his best friend was still alive.  I wasn’t sure how he would take that news.

The sky was dark before I noticed it, covering most of the city in darkness.  I’d have to find a place to sleep for the night, try and stay warm.  I yawned and pulled the jacket from my bag, pulling it over my head slowly.  I tried to flatten my hair back down to my head, tame the hairs that were now full of static.  I groaned and pulled the hood back, the cold cobalt eyes staring back at me as I fixed the hoodie.  Oh shit.

“Bucky” My heart leapt up into my throat, a scream trying to pull its way out before a hand was wrapped tightly around my throat, cutting off my air supply.  Even with the muzzle, I could tell it was him.  
“кто ты” I was struggling to breathe, to even think about what was happening. His grip tightened around my throat.

Everything around me had gone dark, the grip on my throat tightening even more.

The next time I woke up was painful, my throat felt as if someone shoved a hot coal inside, the air in the room was hot.  I could feel sweat drip down my shoulder blades as I pushed myself up slowly.  There was no one inside, save for the guard who was sat outside my door.  I needed a glass of water to soothe the ache, but I doubted I was going to get anything.

“She’s awake, it’s about time” The man standing outside of the room smirked, his hands shoved deep into the pockets on his slacks.  
“They’ve been searching for her, she seems to know who the soldier is” Another man stood next to him, a clipboard held tight to his chest.  
“Wipe her clean, she doesn’t need to remember who anyone is” The shorter man gawked at him, his eyes trailing back and forth from where I sat to where he stood.  
“Sir, she would die” His voice trailed off as the older man glared at him.

What the hell did he mean by wipe me clean?  Were they going to take away my memories?  Oh god.  The door opened slowly, men flooded into the room, each holding a gun as to persuade me not to disobey.  Bucky stepped into the room, he was still in the same clothes from the night before, the muzzle covering most of his face.  I kept my lips pressed together, knowing that if I uttered his name it wouldn’t end well.

“Miss Y/L/N, you seem closer to Captain Rogers, am I correct?” The man stepped inside, stepping around Bucky as he did.  
“We were close, yes” I winced as my throat burned with exertion.  
“Why were you removed from the compound?  Was it because you found something you shouldn’t of?” His voice was sending chills down my spine.  
“Captain Rogers said I risked the lives of my teammates and myself, that I was reckless” There were tears burning my eyes.  
“Did you?” He stepped closer to me, keeping enough distance where he wouldn’t get hurt if I had managed to get a weapon.  
“No, I was simply doing my job” I looked up at the man, the tears had begun to slide down my cheeks.

The man turned without another word, leaving the room almost silently. The other men began to file out, everyone except for Bucky.  He stayed put, the cold distant look in his eyes never faded for a moment.  Is this what they were going to do to me?  Turn me into a mindless zombie like the super soldier who stood only five feet away? I didn’t bother to try and start a conversation, knowing it would only piss him off more.  God where was Steve when I actually needed him.

**Steve’s P.O.V**

She had been taken by a group of men, dragged into a vehicle before driving out of the city.  Tony had been doing everything he could to find her, but it was no use.  Whoever took her hadn’t wanted to be found.  Time was slipping through our fingers and it was becoming increasingly harder to keep my composure around everyone.  If I hadn’t acted like such an asshole, this never would’ve happened, she’d still be safe.

 

“It’s gotta be the work of Hydra, they’re the only ones who would have a real reason to take her” The room was silent, Sam was gawking at me.  Did no one else suspect them?  
“There’s something in those files, something they don’t want anyone to ever find out about, and that’s why they took her.  The goddamn thing must have a tracker in it” Tony cursed softly under his breath, kicking over a chair that was in front of him.  
“We’ll find her, maybe if I looked for her” I started to stand up, Tony held a hand out stopping me.  Was he really not going to let me live that down?  
“They’re going to be looking for you, for any of us.  We need to send someone they won’t recognize” Tony was making a point,  if we went in it’d be a deathmatch.

Nat, Sam, and I were being sent out to check on Pierce, after what had happened with Fury.  God, that was a sight I wouldn’t forget for a while.  Not something I really wanted to ever have the unfortunates of seeing either.  Sam’s eyes had left the road for half a second, the man stepping into the center of the road is tall, tall as me even.  The muzzle covering his mouth is obscuring most of his features, what the hell is he holding?  The gunshots are raining down on the windshield before any of us can react accordingly.

The cars stopped, tires screeching loudly before Sam’s reaching under the seat for a gun before facing the man who was just firing.  He’s stalking towards us slowly, everything about him is screaming danger.  Shit, we need some place to hide, somewhere without civilians around.  He doesn’t seem bothered by the people running passed him, screaming in terror.  No, he’s dead set on us.

“We need something to distract him” There’s a van pulling up behind him, a group of four men piling out quickly, each with their own gun.  Shit.  
“We don’t have anything, who is this guy anyway?” Sam’s trying to look over his shoulder without getting shot.  
“That my dear friends is the Winter Soldier, and I suggest not getting on his bad side” Nat’s hands wrap around the gun Sam has, raising it up high and firing at the men surrounding the soldier.

Two of them drop to the ground quickly, the other two are firing off rounds at us.  Two down, three to go. The soldier steps off to the side, his gun held closer to himself than anything.

“Something’s not right, he’s not looking for us anymore” I didn’t avert my eyes from the man at all, watching his every move.  
“What’s he doing?” Nat’s watching him too, making sure the other two men don’t get too close for comfort.

He’s reaching inside of a car, pulling a woman out of the backseat.  Her hands are tied together, a gag wrapped around her mouth.  Oh my god, it’s Y/N.  The soldiers got a tight grip on her throat, holding her up as if she’s a trophy.

“Son of a bitch, I knew it” I wanted to run over and tackle him, take her somewhere safe.  But I couldn’t.  Not if we wanted to keep her alive.  
“We need her alive Rogers, don’t do something reckless” Nat’s words are ringing through my head, the same exact thing I had said to Y/N.  
“He put her back in the car, shit he’s getting in!” Sam leapt up from the ground, leaping over the hood of the car quickly.

I reached for the collar of his shirt, pulling him back down to the ground.  He was going to not only get himself killed, but Y/N killed with that attitude.  Sam glared up at me when his back hit the pavement, the knife held tight in his hand. I shook my head, lifting my gaze up as the soldier drove off with Y/N, goddamnit!

Nat took out the other two men easily, phoning Tony to let him know what had happened, we weren’t going to let him get far enough.

**Y/N’s P.O.V**

The car was silent, the only reason I even knew where we were headed was the fact he didn’t blindfold me this time.  His face was still covered by the mask, the grip he had on the steering wheel tightened as he took a sharp turn.  His breathing had become erratic, he wasn’t able to take in enough air. Bucky was having a panic attack, and it was going to get us killed. I reached up to pull the gag out, coughing a little at the soreness in my throat.

“You need to relax your heart, you’re gonna crash if you don't” He turned to glare at me before setting his gaze back on the road ahead.  
“Bucky please!  I’m serious!” The car came to a halt, nearly causing me to fall down onto the floor.

Bucky stepped out of the car, opening the door where my head was before yanking me out of the car.  His hand wrapped around my throat as he slammed me against the side of the car, whispering harshly under his breath.  His grip was unrelenting, tightening with every word he uttered softly.  I awaited death to wash over me, take me away from the world I had been forced into.

It never came though, his grip loosened enough for me to breathe.  Barely.

“How do you know my name?” His lips ghosted over the shell of my ear, his warm breath washing over my neck.  
“Your names James Barnes, you and Steve were best friends” I kept my grip on his wrist, afraid he would go back to strangling me in a second.  
“Steve” His voice trailed off, did he see him somewhere?  Oh god I really hoped Steve wasn’t around, not to see the mess I had caused for myself now.

He was suddenly gone, stepping away from me and slipping into the front seat of the car.  My only hope was that he’d give up and leave me behind while he searched for Steve.  Wait, no.  That wouldn’t end well for anyone.  He was back out of the car, dragging me into the backseat.  The leather pulled roughly at my skin, tearing it open in some parts.  I bit back a scream, keeping in the tears as he growled.

“Shut the fuck up!” His hand came down across my cheek, the pain blooming violently.

I wasn’t able to keep the tears back any longer, streaming down my cheeks as his fists clenched my shirt roughly.  There was no way I was going to come back from this, I had made my bed and now I had to lie in it.

“Bucky, don’t do this” Steve stood no more than ten feet away.  
“This isn’t your fight” Bucky stood up, his frame towering over mine.  
“I don’t care, you need to let her go” Steve stepped closer.

Bucky didn’t take too kindly, his shoulders tensing as Steve’s hand wrapped around his arm.  Bucky threw himself back, his hands ripping the front of my shirt as he pulled me with him.  Steve kept his grip tight, wrapping both arms around Bucky to prevent him from running off.  Bucky thrashed around, his metal hand grabbing onto Steve’s arm.

Bucky and Steve were fighting their own battle, albeit a losing one at that.  It had seemed as if Bucky forgot that I was there entirely, his focus solely on Steve now.  I pushed myself up and off the concrete, covering my chest as I took in how torn my shirt was.  I knew Bucky wasn’t himself, but goddamnit I needed the man to finally open his eyes and see who I was.  And if not me, then at least Steve.  See that he was surrounded by his friends and not his enemies.  He was more tense though, his eyes full of rage as he sought out to murder the blonde who had cut us off earlier.

“Soldier!  Stand down!” I grabbed the gun he had left on the seat and fired two rounds into the air. Bucky’s grip on Steve dropped immediately, his eyes locked on me.  He broke free of Steve’s arms and walked over, his left hand resting against my shoulder.

I hadn’t wanted it to come down to this, for Steve to find out the truth of who I was.  Who I had once been.  From the look in his eyes, he knew.  The truth was finally out there, and there wasn’t anything I could do.  He could hate me more than he already did, it wasn’t going to clear up my past, change who I was anymore.

“We need to head back, they’re going to ask questions” I kept my voice low, my eyes locking onto Steve’s for a brief moment.  
“Yes ma'am” Bucky glanced over his shoulder at Steve before slipping into the car, waiting for me to get in the passenger seat.

The car ride was silent for a while, neither Bucky nor I knew exactly what to say.  Bucky knew who Steve was.  And Steve knew now who I was, that I had lied about knowing Bucky was alive, that I kept this secret from him.

“Take us home, they won’t be looking for us” I looked at the bag by my feet, knowing that by now Steve would’ve found the usb.  The files would be uploaded soon enough.  
“They will be, it’s only a matter of time” Bucky’s eyes are full of worry, something I hadn’t seen in a while.  
“And if they do, they’ll have more competition to get to you” I smiled softly, more to myself, and placed a gentle hand on Bucky’s leg.

He stiffened for a moment before relaxing, remembering where he was and who he was with.  Of course he was still going to be on edge constantly.  Hydra had put him through the ringer more times than he could count, and there wasn’t anything more I could do myself.  But goddamnit I tried.  I didn’t want to live in fear anymore, I wanted to be happy with my life, and this wasn’t it.  Bucky still doesn’t seem comfortable, even when he’s parked the car in the garage, his hands resting on the steering wheel.  I didn’t expect him to, he was always awaiting an attack.

“Let’s go inside” I slipped out of the car and grabbed the bag off the floor.  Heading into the place I had once called home so long ago.

Bucky waited a few more moments before getting out of the car, his footsteps echoing throughout the tiny garage.  He stopped in the doorway, stripping off his boots and pants.  I knew how he was feeling, he wanted nothing of what Hydra gave to him on his body.  Couldn’t do much about his arm though.

Once he was completely stripped down, save for his boxers, he sighed.  It gave me a slight peace of mind knowing he felt better, felt freer.  Deciding there wasn’t much we could do for the rest of the night, Bucky offered on taking a shower, as long as he could sit inside while I showered, and do the same for him.  It felt wrong to sit and listen to the shower run while he was inside, to know that he was only a few feet away from me.  The thought never left even after I stepped under the warm spray of the shower, washing away all of the tension.

Bucky grabbed a pair of pajamas for himself, and one of his shirts for me.  God, even when he’s trying not to be a gentleman he couldn’t help himself.

Dinner was quiet, Bucky had eaten three helpings before I had finished my first.  Even knowing that he could get hungry in the middle of the night he offered to get me another plate.  I couldn’t object, my stomach was completely empty, a hot meal felt like heaven.

“I want to cut my hair” I nearly dropped my fork when Bucky spoke, his voice was even, but quiet.

“Like how you used to have it? Before all of this?” I looked up at him slowly, this wasn’t something he could change if he hated it.  
“Yeah, I don’t want to be reminded of what happened to me” His eyes were on mine, a faint smile pulling up his lips.  My heart was hammering in my chest.  
“Just let me finish eating and I’ll get started” I could barely lift the fork to my mouth, so many thoughts were running through my head.

Bucky took to cleaning up while I set up the bathroom for him, getting everything I could need to make sure he was truly happy.  He deserved this, more than anyone I knew.  The bathroom door opened almost menacingly, if I hadn’t known Bucky was on the other side I’d of assumed it was a ghost.  Now I just sounded ridiculous.

“Ready?” I pulled the chair out, giving Bucky a little more leg room so he wouldn’t get antsy.

He nodded and plopped down in the chair, running his hands through his hair before relaxing against the back of the chair.

I turned on some music while I went to work, making sure Bucky was comfortable every step of the way.  His fallen strands tickled my toes as I stepped around him, cutting away the hair that had grown out to his shoulders.  It was strange seeing it all fall away, seeing the man he was underneath of it all. 

When it got short enough I grabbed the electric razor, letting Bucky know that I was just trimming his hair down a little farther.  If it weren’t for his metal arm I’d say he stepped right out of the 40’s.  I stepped back to look over everything, make sure I hadn’t missed any strands.  He watched me nervously.

“You ready to see yourself?” I brushed off the smaller hairs, making sure his skin was clean before he went to look at himself.  
“I’m nervous, it’s been a while” He chuckled and rubbed his face, scratching at the beard on his chin.  
“If it makes you feel any better, I think you look amazing Buck” I squeezed his shoulder gently.  
“Can you shave off the beard for me? I have a razor in the drawer” He bit his lip softly, his eyes casting down to the drawer.  
“Gotta sit still for that one then” I reached over in the drawer and pulled out the razor.

Of course Bucky would be old fashioned and have a straight razor, the man was from the 40’s after all.  I lathered his cheeks with shaving cream and grabbed the razor, Bucky was sitting so still I could’ve mistaken him for a statue.  The razor glided easily along his skin, taking away the hairs that had once covered his cheek.  His eyes were looking around the room, as if he was trying to memorize everything about it.  I didn’t bother to ask, it was one of his little ticks.

The razor slid along his cheek one last time, taking away any remaining hairs and shaving cream.  I dampened a small towel and wiped his face off.  My breath caught in my throat as I took in how utterly breathtaking he was.  His brows furrowed as he took in my expression, his eyes were looking all over my face.

“Why don’t you have a look at my masterpiece” I stepped away and let him stand up to see how he felt.

His eyes were still on my face as he stood up, walking over to the mirror slowly.  His gaze turned to the mirror in front of him.  His eyes were wide, jaw dropping open as he took everything in slowly.  My mind was screaming at me, oh god he hated it!

“Y/N, this is amazing” He laughed breathily and walked over to me, his hands cupping my cheeks.  
“I wanted you to feel a little better, I guess it worked?” I smiled softly, holding my hands over his cheeks.  
“Of course it did doll” He pressed his forehead against mine, our chests flush together.

Neither of us moved for what felt like an eternity, though it couldn’t of been more than a few minutes, but it didn’t matter.  Nothing besides Bucky or I mattered in those few minutes, seeing how truly happy he was.

“I want to find Steve” Bucky’s eyes were back on me then, his expression was hiding how nervous he was.

I opened my mouth to tell him it probably wasn’t that good of an idea before a knock sounded at the door.  Bucky’s hands wrapped around my waist, blocking whoever was trying to get inside.

The knocking continued as Bucky lead us down the stairs, his stance was protective.  Whoever was on the other side of the door was screwed if they tried to attack.  Bucky reached for his knife and opened the door slowly.  Neither of us were expecting to see Steve and Nat standing on the other side.  So there was one thing I was positive of, they had found the usb.  

“Holy shit” Steve’s eyes were locked on Bucky who looked more shell shocked than anything.  
“How’d you find us?” I stepped around Steve, keeping a hand on the super soldier as I did.  
“Tracker, sorry” Steve held his hands up in defense.  I couldn’t be mad at him, even if I was trying with everything I had in me.

I pushed Bucky back and let Steve and Natasha come inside the house, keeping an eye to make sure he was doing alright.  His shoulders were tense, watching Steve close.  Nat plopped down onto the couch, pulling Steve down with her.  Bucky sat down in the plush recliner, pulling me down into his lap.  Was he trying to mark his territory in front of Steve?

“There’s a reason you’re here, talk” I brushed Bucky’s hand off of my thigh and blushed.  There were some things we couldn’t do in front of him.  
“I saw the files, how could you lie to us about all of that?  You were working for Hydra and happened to leave out that you knew who Buck was the whole time?” Steve clenched his hands into fists, his eyes full of rage.  
“I  _used_ to work for Hydra, I left before they could do to me what they did to him.  If I had known that he was the Bucky you were looking for, well I would’ve sent him your way a while ago.  They keep us in the dark a lot” I squeezed Bucky’s hand and frowned.  

Steve was quiet for a moment, taking in the little information I had given him.  There were more files than he had seen on that usb, and I wasn’t sure he was ready to see all of them.

“They tortured him if I disobeyed an order, if I failed a mission, if I even looked at Pierce wrong.  They made sure that he was always in pain as long as I fucked up, and he wasn’t the only one” I pulled the shirt farther down my legs, hiding the scars that would never truly go away.  
“Why didn’t you tell any of us this when you joined?  You kept it under wraps for so long, and now you’re letting it all out into the open. Why?” Steve was looking between Bucky and I.  
“Because I can’t hide my past forever, I’d rather everyone know the truth now” I rested my head against Bucky’s shoulder and sighed.

Nat took Steve’s arm, pulling him out of the living room to give us some space.  The harsh whispers were echoing in the room, Bucky’s arm tightening even more.

“I never wanted them to go after you, I can’t remember how often I would scream at them if they did” Bucky frowned, the cold metal of his fingers trailing along my thigh.  
“They wanted to break you, time and time again” I lifted my hand, pressing it gently against his smooth cheek.  
“Can only break a man so much Y/N” Bucky smiled softly, though it didn’t reach his eyes, I knew he was happy.

I shook my head and pressed my lips against his.  The kiss was slow, deepening with every passing second.  Bucky’s hand gripped my thigh roughly, the metal felt so good against my overheated skin.  His hand was underneath of the shirt, almost at my hip when Steve and Nat stepped back into the room, coughing loudly to let us know they were back.

Bucky’s cheeks were bright red, his thumb and pointer finger messing with the hem of the t-shirt I was wearing.  

“So, what’s going on?” I was afraid I’d hear the worst, that I would have to be arrested for everything that had happened.  
“It’s a lot to take in, are you guys going to be safe here for a while?  We need to talk more, but it’s late and I think we all need some sleep” Steve stepped over to the front door, Nat following close behind him.  
“Yeah, just give us a heads up if you plan on stopping by, it’s rather rude to barge in on people” I raised a brow at Nat’s smirk.  She knew exactly what I was referring to.  Though the blush on Steve’s cheek gave him away.

They bid a quick farewell before the house fell silent again.  Bucky’s hand had gone back to rubbing at my thigh softly.  The stars were bright, lighting up the sky in a beautiful way.

“How about we head on up to bed?  We’ve had a lot to deal with today” I stepped off of Bucky’s lap and smiled softly as his hand slipped into my own.  
“Sleep sounds wonderful doll” I couldn’t help the giggle that slipped through my lips.

Bucky was grinning from ear to ear, and this time, the smile reached his eyes.  And goddamn if it wasn’t the most beautiful thing I had seen.


End file.
